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New blog site :).

Short story for Miss Dynomite.

Bonquiqui= me, Bondaesha= my sister, Ella.

Bonquiqui: You know what sounds amazing?
Bondaesha: What???
Bonquiqui: If we played guitar hero with our BOOBS!!
Bondaesha: Ohhmann!! I'm going to lick your ass at this one!
Bonquiqui: Fuck you in the ass nigga!
Bondaesha: Hell nah! You a dirty girl! x)
Bonquiqui: I know girl, I knowww.
Bondaesha: So anyways, take a look at this sexy picture of Josh!
Bonquiqui: Hmmmm, can I cut off his penis and hang it on my wall?
Bondaesha: What the hell is your problem?!
Bonquiqui: Nothing, I just have a thing for small trophies ;)
Bondaesha: Hahaha! Oh man!! That's hot!
Bonquiqui: Reminds me of a blue tic tac :)
Bondaesha: You remind me of a hippo!
Bonquiqui: Imma eat you for dinner!!
Bondaesha: For gods sake!!! We are SISTERS!! no sexual contact or im telling mom again!

The end! :D

50 things about me.

1. My name is perhaps Cammie.
2. The impression you leave when first meeting me is what sticks around.
3. I'm not afraid to admit that my life isn't perfect.
4. The person you knew before isn't anything like the person I am now.
5. I'll give you a 'What the fuck are you doing?' kind of look a lot without even meaning to.
6. My voice is just as tiny as I am. In other words, I sound like a 5 year old little girl.
7. I appreciate those who take time to really see who I am and embrace me in their lives.
8. I see beauty in everything.
9. I sometimes behave in a manner that could be considered somewhat unbecoming.
10. I do not aim to please you.
11. I risk my life, just for the rush.
12. I'll find more imperfections in myself more than I will find in you.
13. Your opinions will not affect me in any way.
14. I see everything with logic and rationality
15. Rain inspires me.
16. I try to make the most out of life & view everything positively.
17. I have a big heart and an open mind. Most people tend to take it for granted.


Obviously not completed.

If I can only be with you in my dreams, let me sleep forever.

I came home for you to tell me you met someone else, what a complete waste of my time. I spent nights wondering what it would be like to finally be in your arms, and how I would feel around you. None of that matters now, because I'm not putting myself in a situation where I'm going to fall apart. I finally pulled myself together after all those bull. I feel the need to cry badly, but my body won't allow anything. No tears, no emotions, nothing.

We still plan on meeting, I need get over you and that is going to be my purpose of this trip. "If it were up to you, would anything happen between us tomorrow", that brought curiosity if the other girl actually means something to you into existence. Seeing you became a complication, I definitely did not think this through. It was a long process until things started falling into place. I have never made this much effort in trying to see someone with the exception of one person. For the first time in a month, I heard your voice. Boy, did that make me want to cry my eyes out. I don't know whether it was because I miss you, or the thought that I can never be with you in that kind of concept.

Arriving at Pembroke Pines made me feel no different than how I felt two nights ago; emotionless. Ella, Chrissy and I wandered around Macy's looking for a bathroom. Following the arrows that are supposedly taking us to the bathroom and still not finding it made me laugh so hard because of how idiotic we are. Not even ten minutes, and I'm already being stared down as usual. Seeing you from a distance makes me want to turn around; what the hell was I thinking, coming here? I couldn't even look at you, I'm that disappointed. I'm sure I'm nothing you have expected. You walking ahead of us with your friend makes me anxious/curious/suspicious, so much for holding my hands. Haaaa. I'm such an awkward person to meet, I won't talk unless someone say something towards me. A lot of times I don't even reply, I'll give a 'What the fuck are you doing?' kind of look without meaning to. Even after we stopped walking, we kept our distances. "Hongalugee" yeah, lets ditch.

Going back inside made me feel better; anywhere with Chrissy and Ella makes me beyond joyous. Knowing that they will always be there for me is all I need to be content. It's funny how I still can't look at you, I continue to stare at the ground and text/IM people. Then you said something that made me look, that smile on your face reflected on mine. We kept our distances throughout the ride to your house, this is ridiculous. "You're just going to get hurt, Cammie. I don't know why you put yourself in these situations. You're only going to be happy during the time you're with him. He's not worth it." I know, Ben, I know.

Laying in your bed with you near me makes me want to move, I can't do this. I just can't. I freaked out because I thought something touched me, but it was you trying to play with my hair. When Ella moved off the bed, you moved closer trying to hold my hand. I guess this is acceptable considering I said you were allowed, it means nothing to me. Every minute you would move closer, I went along with whatever you were trying to do. The moment you had me in your arms, feelings rushed back. The way you looked into my eyes and smiled at me melt my heart, I held your hands tighter making sure you wouldn't let go. Your kisses had me smiling uncontrollably. Things got intense, and we went to a different room. You turn on the lights, I turned off the lights. I don't even need to say what happened especially when people lurk. But, we didn't have sex. That's all everyone needs to know, so chill. Something was going on, I can feel it. I was not prepared to leave, I wanted you holding onto me to last a little longer. That last kiss hit me, you wanted someone else. I haven't cried in months, I've been so completely content with my life; but that almost brought tears to my eyes. It's funny how I won't allow myself to cry nor will my body. Honestly, this hurts. Just laugh it off baby... just... laugh it off.

"And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you, but I'm not giving in this time."

I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out, especially with all the bull my step dad has been saying. "It's just so messed up how he has authority over everything and gets away with everything he does wrong". Completely agreed, but I am dealing with it. I'm tired of running from my problems and facing everything all at once.

I'm not scared to tell you how I feel, nor am I scared to tell you what you're doing wrong. You've asked me various questions, making it seem like you care. "Cammie you know I care about you" saying my name along with that sentence makes me want to believe, but how can I? If you cared, you would have thought about how this is going to affect me. How it is going to hurt me afterwards especially when I told you what matters to me. It is pathetic how I miss holding your hands, your cuddles, your kisses, but most of all; I miss you. I'm not writing this to interest you, I'm merely stating the facts. I don't want to care or allow myself to let this bother me any further, but I can't help it. You tell me you still like me and yet I still find no peace in my sleep. Hearing that you like another girl besides her makes me think you don't know who the hell you want. I tell you "I love you" and you make up anything for me to try and prove myself. I'm tired of convincing you my feelings. I love you, but I'm not in love. Everything finally got to me, and I completely broke down. You have ways to ruin my good days, yet manage to fix them with the little things you say. I intend to move forward, but it's something I feel that keeps me trying. It may or may not be for the right reasons. But I assure you that I won't let myself be that vulnerable for you, I can't do that shit to myself anymore.

Regardless of what you're putting me through, and how much you are hurting me; I love you, Shawn. I'm no longer chasing after what is not going to happen, figure out what you want and realize what you had.

"And when the stars fall, I will lie awake. You're my shooting star."

I'll give up forever to touch you.

I could care less for who you are, why should I care and waste my time dwelling on someone who has never been here for me? My life has been fine without you, it will always be. Haa, I'm so full of shit. You're the reason why I am continuously awake at night, never so often do I think of you. I can't. The things people say about you makes me think more and more of you. I thought I never wanted to see you because of how much pain you have caused me, pain that I thought in no extent existed; but lately all I want is to meet you. I'm curious and upset. I really couldn't give much of a care for the consquences anymore, but I am terrified of breaking down in front of you. More importantly, wanting the impossibilities. I'm not so sure if I will ever get to know or see who you are. That overthrows me. I don't know if I can manage to wait any longer, what if something were to happen to you? The thought just bring more tears to my eyes.



On no occasion do I ever want to believe the obvious. Yehh, I'm naive. I'm aware you aren't worth my time, I make too many efforts but you don't even seem to care. You say cute things just for the hell of it, I'm sure you say it to all the little girls after you, ha. "Maybe he doesn't know what to expect either", maybe. Expectations of me will only lead to disappointments. I'm too indecisive, I will change my mind about something every five seconds. Get over it. Life is way better unexpected anways. The fact that you've somehow managed to bring my happiness back into existence causes me to continue on trying. Maybe things will clear up when I see you, fugure out if you meant what you've said. I wish you would make more efforts, make it easier for me to believe in you. I over think things too often and doubt way too much; the less I hear from you, the more I doubt and lose feelings. Gaininging that consciousness and sensibilities I once had requires an amount of extraordinary effort. But the very moment I hear that adorable voice of yours, all those feelings comes back impetuously. You make my heart skip beats and I can't help but smile at the thought of being in your arms soon. Someone please bring me home to see this boy of 'mine'.



My friend tells me to google your name, I 'lmao' at the things that came up. "...and I'll fuck you in California". Well, that just hurts. It was three days after you told me how much I meant to you. Apparently, I wasn't wrong about you saying all these bull to almost every girl there is. I'm not sure if you're just saying it, because I do say things I don't mean but not ever in this concept. Screw the paragrah above, I'm not going to waste my time on some boy that's possibly going to play me. You barely even talk to me anymore, makes me feel like you found someone else to call "your baby". You are so full of shiiiiittttt, it makes me sick.

You Had Me at Hello.

There is no possible way to describe how I feel about you. As much as I want these feelings to stop, they continue to grow. I spent my entire week crying over, what now seems, pointless stuff. It's pretty ridiculous because you have this ability of knowing something is wrong before talking to me, I'm sure you're not even aware. I keep saying that I can go on for a week or so without communicating with you but I fail miserably. You make me smile at the weirdest things and I can't quite explain why because I don't know the answer myself. I think about you more than I'm suppose to. As pathetic as this is going to sound, I can still picture the night we kissed under the stars.


The truth is: I'm scared. I don't want to have these feelings because I know I'm going to get hurt. A lot of times I feel like I'm not good enough for you. There is so many other pretty girls out there who would be lucky to have you; maybe I'm just self conscious? I don't know. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm horrified. Sometimes, I regret talking to you and meeting you because I feel the need to be in your arms all the time. I don't want to have the same feelings I had for Mike, I don't want to love, I don't want to fall apart like I did. I shatter at the very thought of losing you and I know for a fact that I'm not ready for that to happen nor do I want it to.

I'm willing to take a risk in telling you this, I don't need a response. I just needed you to know how I feel.